he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
third nipple confirmed
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The adults are the big ones right?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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