the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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