if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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