Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
