He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
