I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
