finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
