She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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