Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
