i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
