the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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