I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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