trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
