just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
