you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
