you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
