It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
