I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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