Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
