dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
