Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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