sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
