Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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