Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
