So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
