Got a toothbrush?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
should my penis look like a turkey
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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