watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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