i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
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