with your own penis?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
