i don't plan on having that self control this summer
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
