Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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