I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
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There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
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Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
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