Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i was born a porn star she said
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
