party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
