if i can run in heels then i can drive
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
