Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she peed on how many people?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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