I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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