My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
