I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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