It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
