If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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