I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
