Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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