I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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