dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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