3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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