She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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