They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
