Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
