how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
