Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
