I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
