all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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