So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
