3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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