so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
