i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
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After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
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The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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