I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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