How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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