At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
His nipple licking is glorious
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