I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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