How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
