yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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