if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
