my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
