yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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