We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
