it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
