i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
