so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
