If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
