That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
