My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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