he laminated a picture of his dick.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
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Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
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He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
They left me at home... I'm a liability
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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