Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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