If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
