a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
