i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
