...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
