The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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