I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
