just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
